What a Ride!

Wow ... it has been over six months since my last post and well, that's because Jenn & Ben went back South!! Yup, after almost three marvelous years in Calgary, we decided to move back home to Nashville. (Which was always the plan, but we didn't expect to love life in Canada so much, or for the decision to be so difficult!) Since my first ever blog post was a "by the numbers," I offer up another numbers list for all those who are like me, and want to see things come full circle!

8,000 - miles put on our car for road trips alone
3 - number of apartments we rented in as many years in Calgary
116 - number of blog posts
1 - visits it took to the Canadian Rockies for those mountains to steal our hearts
2 - times I bit the dust on an icy sidewalk
1 - number of highly embarrassing ski-lift misses
1 - number of times I successfully got on the ski-lift while simultaneously knocking Ben out

Oh, I could go on, but these are some of my favorite numbers! As we reach a point of becoming settled in Nashville, I am finally beginning to process all that's happened in the past few years. What a ride it has been and how lucky I feel to have experienced the amazing lifestyle and people and scenery of Alberta. I get heart pangs still when I see photos of the Rockies, or piles of snow, or a grassy plain with a turquoise river cutting through it.

But the people of Calgary are definitely what I miss most. Over our last few months there, we spent lots of time with friends (here we are at the Danish lunch we hosted in our condo):

And then we enjoyed a final long weekend at the mountains:

  I can't wait to take Max back year after year to visit his birth-place and share with him this part of our lives that is so deeply ingrained in both me and Ben's hearts and minds. I will never forget the killer view from the last place we lived (a huge positive that came out of our mothball fiasco, which you can read about here.)

And yet, we're also overjoyed to be back in Tennessee with family and close friends, to be settling into life here with a renewed interest in exploring and making the most of all this area has to offer - which is a lot!

I'm sure I will use this blog as a dumping ground for a few more reflections on Canada, and maybe eventually set up a new one for the family goings-on and home projects/updates happening here in Nashville these days! Thanks for reading!

Four Weekends and a Baby

I have been a terrible blogger lately! I suppose that a growth-spurting, teething, super active six month old will do that.

These days I am feeling exhausted and incredibly grateful and full of love, in almost equal measure!

And yesterday I realized that we have three weekends left in Calgary - maybe four if we decide to travel after Memorial Day weekend. Holy cow, where did the time go?! I have been busy plotting social outings with friends and trying to pencil in time for a few more days in the mountains ... and slowly adding coffee back into my life, after completely nixing caffeine during the pregnancy and the first several months of Max's life. I really don't know how I survived for so long without it!

Easter table, with balcony doors open to our beloved view!

We had a fabulous Easter in Calgary, just the three of us - it was a lovely spring day (albeit followed by piles of snow the next day), complete with a stroll around the neighborhood, a big brunch, and Max's first taste of solid food. I love our view of the city, and the fact that on a nice day we can throw open our doors and windows for a nice crisp breeze minus the bugs waiting for us back in Tennessee!

Max found the bowl much more interesting than the rice cereal it contained!

There is a lot that I'll miss about our second home north of the border. Yes, it really does feel like a second home now, and I sure hope we can make plenty of trips back to show Max where he was born - and if Ben has anything to say about, to teach Max to ski in the Canadian Rockies!!

April Snow

While it was at first disheartening to watch a snow storm overtake Calgary at the beginning of April, how can I really complain when this is the view I got to wake up to on a beautiful Sunday morning?

And who knows how many more days I'll have like this, with piles of fresh, fluffy snow, sunshine and blue skies?

We headed off to the dog park and walked around with Max in his carrier while Bosco went romping through the snow, one of his favorite things to do these days! All in all it was a nice weekend. By today, the snow is melting throughout the city and Calgary is finally seeing some hope of springtime!

Would you like a burger with those fries?

As our time in Calgary nears an end (we move back to Nashville at the end of May!), Ben and I are realizing there are a few things we still need to do before leaving this amazing little corner of the world.

Today was a snowy, slushy, windy day that looked like this:

Beautiful to look at, but not so inviting for a nice spring stroll! So to pass our Saturday afternoon, we headed to Home Depot to scope out ideas for our newly purchased home in Nashville (more on that later!!). We quickly realized that close to Home Depot was Calgary's most beloved diner, Peters' Drive-In. What better time to check this must-do off the list?

Peters' Drive-In is an old-school institution: cash-only, and nothing on the menu but hamburgers in an array of sizes, hotdogs and ice cream concoctions. The only snag? Ummm... I'm mostly vegetarian - haven't had a hamburger in nearly three years!!

Our orders were simple : double cheeseburger and vanilla shake for Ben, and (gasp!) I decided to order a single cheeseburger and chocolate shake, and give the ol' burger a whirl. I was in the mood to live on the edge after eating half a ribeye last night.

We thought the logical choice was to share a large order of fries, since we were both hungry and we don't often treat ourselves to such a grease fest! As we pulled up to the window to retrieve our gluttonous treats, the cashier was giving us an odd look as she said the fries would take another minute longer. Why, you may be wondering?

Well, here is what our large order of fries looked like:

Yes, that is a huge paper sack filled (and I mean FILLED) with fries!! After getting over our initial shock and several minutes of laughing hysterically, we commenced hamburger eating. It was a big moment for me, and I was pretty scared:

But I forged ahead and I can't lie - I finished off this entire burger which, in the photo looks about as big as my head. And yes, I enjoyed it, although I doubt this will be a regular thing for me any time soon ... so don't get too excited, you veggie nay-sayers!

Oh, and in case anybody is wondering, sweet Max was napping in the backseat, oblivious to the hamburger and french fry mayhem occurring up front!

Love!

For some reason I am totally in love with this photo. During me and Max's two-week trip to Nashville, we had a couple of amazingly warm and sunny days, and for the first time my sweet boy got to feel grass under his bare feet. Makes me grin every time I think about it!

Our return to Calgary last night was a bit of a shock to the senses - going from 70 degrees and sunny to about -4 and windy! As excited as I am to return to Nashville in a few short months for good, I think I am equally excited about spending time with friends and making the most of our remaining weeks in Calgary, which is coming to an end ever so quickly!

A Valentine's Surprise?

I just realized that Max's birthday is EXACTLY nine months after Valentine's Day! Do what you will with that tidbit :)

Ok, ok, if you must know, I'm sure our sweet boy was not conceived on Valentine's (I was at the Olympics in Vancouver while Ben was hard at work in Calgary), but it sure would have been cool if we could say he was!

I hope everybody had a great Valentine's - ours was low key as per usual, with Ben in the middle of busy season, but sweet nonetheless with our new little Valentine :)

He and I are off to Nashville shortly and can't wait for all of our friends and family to meet Mr. Max!

Happy Friday!

I hope it's a relaxing one for everybody!

What Canada Has that the US Doesn't

This image is the perfect example of the American ideal that "doing it all" makes you a strong woman. Most countries don't expect women to have two full-time jobs at once ...

When Max hit the 12-week mark a few days ago, it occurred to me that at home in the US, I would be expected to go back to work now. As a Canadian resident though, I still have nine months of leave ahead of me.

Max woke up every two to three hours all night long until he was basically 11 weeks old. By 12 weeks I was finally beginning to feel physically, mentally and emotionally stronger and more rested, but I still have a long way to go. Working by day and caring for a demanding baby by night would be utterly exhausting, and that is an understatement.

The bonding process with my sweet boy is continuing steadily, but we are still getting to know one another. Max only recently began smiling, and I am finally figuring out how to read his cues. Go back to work at this crucial stage? I can't even imagine it! But that is what any working woman in America is faced with, and to me this is heartbreaking.

This article from 2007 points out that the US is one of only FIVE industrialized countries in the world that offers no form of paid maternity benefits. http://www.inc.com/news/articles/200702/family.html

US maternity policies in general are non-existent, making it one of the worst places in the world for new moms. A handful of states and companies offer some financial benefits for six weeks, to select groups of women - but even these programs are not exclusively for parents, but are filed under disability programs! Being a parent is not a disability!

Everybody suffers in this scenario - newborn babies need a loving parent who knows them and cares for them. They thrive best on breastmilk for at least six months. Not only does going back to work early make this a huge challenge, but more support should also be available to women who struggle with breastfeeding. There were several times that I might have given up on it without Canada's amazing (free) public health care system that allowed me to make multiple visits to lactation consultants when things got really tough.

Moms who have the chance to establish a strong bond with their babies and can regularly breastfeed are at lower risk for postpartum depression. Families that build strong relationships from babyhood have a better chance at stability and happiness as they grow.

Many of the problems in the US today - childhood obesity, generally unhealthy lifestyles - could be helped if we just invested more time and energy as a country into our children and families. Parenting is hard work, and we need to help each other out in raising our country's future citizens.

At least Obama's new health care plan ensures women will be able to pump breastmilk while at work: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41249239/ns/business-careers/  This is a small victory, but we really need to see more action! This was one of the major considerations for Ben and I when determining whether we would move back to the US or not, but most people do not have a choice.

Young Love

It's almost Valentine's Day, which has me thinking about the new love in my life. He's blond, blue-eyed, a Canadian... and has no teeth. But before I reveal who this studly dude is, here's a by-the-numbers look at how my life has changed since this guy came into it:

Average Hours of sleep per night: 6
Nursing sessions per day: 10 or more
Diapers changed daily: 7 or more
Length of showers: 5 minutes
Time to savor a meal: 6 minutes
Eating food while it's still hot: statistically impossible
Time spent getting myself + my guy out of the house: 30 minutes
Daily outfit changes due to spit-up or other bodily misfires: 2 (me) and 3 (my man)





Number of smiles it takes from my guy to make any challenges feel like insanely awesome blessings:

Yes, you guessed it, baby Max is my newest Valentine! In spite of all the huge changes, it honestly feels like he's been in me and Ben's lives forever. I really can't imagine life any other way now! Happy early Valentines to everybody!

Speaking of Photos

There are TONS more of them (and video - that's right, we can get high-tech!) on our private Shutterfly photo page.

Just send me a message asking for the password, then hop on over using this link: http://maxsondean.shutterfly.com/

No time for words...

Just a quick photo of our sweet little monkey, who is now 12 weeks old!!

Maxson is Here!

Maxson Dean, our perfect baby boy, was born Sunday, November 14th at 2:59 pm. It was an absolutely gorgeous, sunny, brisk Calgary day. Ben and I watched a spectacular sunrise from our balcony while I was in early labor, and I just knew that this was our baby's day to finally join us. His timing was perfect, because the next day brought a snow storm, and a few days later Calgary was recorded as the second-coldest place in the world (only behind the South Pole), so we have loved being cozy at home with Max!

He weighed in at 6 pounds 14 ounces and 20.5 inches long (he is already taking after his dad with long legs and big feet and hands!) My labor was long, but it was amazing. I feel so incredibly lucky to not only have a healthy baby boy, but that I also had the birth experience of my dreams. I am so proud to say that it was 100% natural from start to finish. I have the most amazing husband in the world, who was - and continues to be - my rock through everything, easing me through the early stages of labor so that I was able to cope. I am amazed to say that the thought of an epidural or any other sort of pain management NEVER crossed my mind!

Labor is not as bad as everybody makes it out to be. Yes, it is VERY hard work, but if you have the frame of mind and a great support team, which I am so lucky to have had, it can be totally manageable. Not only was Ben calm, soothing and so strong for me, but I also had a doula, Leanne, who gave me the extra boost of strength and positivity that I needed as I entered the final stages.

Our midwife team was beyond anything I could have hoped for - nurturing, efficient, calm and so encouraging. And finally, bringing Max into the world in a birth center rather than a hospital is an opportunity I will be forever grateful for. During his first moments in this world, he was surrounded by a cozy environment with calm, nurturing people around, our favorite music and a relaxed mom and dad - I was oblivious, but Ben tells me that "Amber," a lovely, mellow song by the band 311, was playing when Max was born, so clearly that song now has new meaning for us!!

Without any drugs in my system, Max arrived wide-eyed and incredibly alert! Shortly after delivery, I was able to take a bath with Max, and we relaxed together and he had his first meal. He was awake for HOURS after his birth, just looking at the world all around - most babies fall asleep after one hour, so we treasured that extra time to bond with him.

Life is forever changed, and I am so, so happy for it. I never could have imagined the love I feel for Max and how overwhelming and all-encompassing that is.

Nursery!

If anybody is interested in more photos of the nursery, check out this blog post!

Eeny Meeny may make an appearance any day now, so luckily everything seems to be ready (as ready as you can ever be for parenthood, I suppose)!

Here I am at about 37 weeks, one week ago. It looks like I will make it to 38 weeks - I wonder how much longer after that before we get to meet our sweet Eeny Meeny!

Maternity Leave!

As I sit on my couch on this sunny fall morning, cuddling with Bosco and enjoying my second day of maternity leave, I must admit that I am a very happy preggo, and finally have a moment to reflect on some things...

I recently read in one of my many pregnancy books (I couldn't tell you which one!) that women today are squeezing pregnancy into their busy lives, rather than re-arranging things a bit to allow for the many unexpected aspects of growing a baby for ten months!

In this regard, I feel so grateful to be in Canada, where birth and motherhood are valued enough to offer women a real chance at caring for their babies, and where public health means that we have not once had to worry about the what-ifs of childbirth. Women here are given a full YEAR of maternity leave, and for the duration of that year, the government provides me, even as a non-citizen with a work permit, with 55% of my salary. Many companies will even top up salary for a few months.

Ben and I have always known that when we were ready to have kids, there was no way I could handle only six to 12 weeks at home with our baby - in the States, during that formative first year of a baby's life, you really are forced to choose between being a mother or keeping your career, and this seems so wrong to me! I'm not saying all women should take a year of maternity leave, but they should at least have the choice to take longer than a few months and still return to a job afterward. To me, maternity care is a totally overlooked aspect of women's rights in the US. Anyway, I will get off my soapbox now :)

Aside from the logistics of pregnancy, I am just feeling so content at the moment - the debilitating back pain of last week has passed (now that Baby has dropped into position) and the hip pain that I'm told strikes at the end of pregnancy has not yet overtaken me, so I must be in some sort of brief sweet spot! Eeny Meeny is very active still (maybe it's all the Halloween candy, oops!), and every little kick, even if it's to the bladder, makes me melt.

I'm 36 1/2 weeks along, so Ben and I are eagerly awaiting Eeny Meeny's arrival, but also feeling grateful for each day that he or she stays put, growing bigger and stronger with each moment that passes!

Another perk of maternity leave? I've finally finished Eeny Meeny's nursery! Here's a peek at it - I'll post more photos on facebook for those who are interested :)

Autumn

This time of year seems to make me feel the most homesick, probably because autumn in Tennessee is by far my favorite time of year, and Tennessee is my favorite place to enjoy that first breath of crisp air and glimpse of leaves changing to orange and yellow and red. Plus there are so many great memories of the fall in Tennessee, like our amazing October wedding, football season, and of course my birthday! After a somewhat disappointing Calgary summer that seemed to segway right into a gray, wintery September, I was beginning to worry there would be nothing nice between spring and another winter.

But Ben and I just spent my birthday weekend in the Rockies and after all my complaining about Alberta's lack of a real autumn and leaves changing, I was happily proven wrong. Proven wrong by Alberta's stunning larch trees and a couple of gorgeous sunny days! Somehow we totally missed the larches last autumn, but they are scattered across the mountainsides and valleys, offering the most spectacular bright yellow leaves, which are a stunning contrast to the deep green pines, gray mountains and bright blue sky.

I feel vindicated in a way, like I have not completely missed out on what is, in my opinion, the best time of year. The Rockies continue to surprise me! Here are a few photos of our trip into the mountains, and the view of Calgary from our balcony - even Calgary has exploded into a fall paradise over the weekend, so I will soak it up while I can!

Eeny Meeny

There is so much to say about pregnancy. And yet to my surprise, I find vocalizing what I'm experiencing next to impossible!

Perhaps the problem is the schizophrenic range of emotions brought on by pregnancy - by the time I finally sit down to put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard just doesn't have the same ring), I have moved to a totally different frame of mind than the one I intended to write about.

But I will do my best, because it is such an amazing experience that I feel my pregnancy deserves a shot at being memorialized in this little blog.

So where am I today? Today I feel joyous, bursting at the seams with anticipation and nervous energy and sheer happiness about Eeny Meeny (the nickname dubbed by my parents) growing bigger and stronger every day. Days like this - when the exhaustion subsides, aches and pains ease up, and minor irritations don't throw me into a sob-fest - are the days I cherish, when I am riding the high of my body's potent cocktail of hormones and emotions.

A pregnancy high makes you feel giddy and giggly, almost drunk. At the moment I simply can't believe my luck at making it to 29 weeks - almost the safe zone; and I am so excited to meet Eeny Meeny that I literally could explode. I have never been so excited about anything in my life. The next 11 or so weeks will fly by I'm sure, but at the same time they will feel so slow - I am dying to know who is in there, a mini Ben, all long and skinny and mellow, or maybe a little Jenn, stubborn and short!

I am not one to often use the term "blessing," but I truly do feel blessed and sometimes I think I take it for granted that very soon Ben and I will have a new little family member. We are so freaking lucky and life has been so good to us!!

Summer Fun

I feel like the blog this summer has been replete of mountaineering photos and tales of our travel adventures - and this blog IS supposed to be about Canada ... and adventures HAVE been had here this summer!! Western Canada's summer weather has, I must admit, been pretty disappointing this year. We have fallen victim to several major hail storms, lots of rain, cool weather and a general lack of sunshine compared to last summer. But Ben and I have managed to sneak in a few nice exploits!

As soon as the weather was warm enough in July, we packed up and headed a few hours south, to Waterton Lakes National Park, for a camping weekend. This has been on our "Canada list" for quite some time, so it was awesome to finally make it there! There were plenty of low-key hikes that I could still do at five months pregnant, we saw our very first grizzly bear (a mom with three cubs!), and were just in time for some amazing wildflowers. I also learned that as much as I love camping, this would be our last camping trip while I'm pregnant ... even a thick blow-up mattress layered with every sleeping mat and blanket we own (while poor Ben slept on the ground!) are no match for a pregnant woman's aching back and hips!! But nonetheless, we loved the trip and I think Bosco did too.

We had gorgeous weather all weekend, so were shocked to drive right into an extreme hail storm on our way home! It's hard to tell from this photo, but in the course of about ten minutes, there were suddenly three to four inches of hail on the highway.

*******

We have also snuck in a few barbeques with friends and walks in the park on nice weekends, and last weekend we decided at the last minute to hop in the car with Bosco and spend Saturday night at a cozy B&B in Canmore, a charming mountain town between Calgary and Banff. The weekend was drizzly and cool, but it was still a treat to escape the city and cozy up in the mountains, doing little other than eat, wander the trails around the city, and wile away our Sunday morning in a cafe, gazing out the windows at the mountains. You can see me here, beginning to finally look quite pregnant at 27 weeks!

Baby Stuff!

Well, I have officially entered the world of soon-to-be mommy-hood ... if you had asked me a year ago whether I wanted to get up early on my day off to purchase a car seat online, I would have laughed in your face and poured another glass of wine.

But oh how things change! Baby fever has overtaken me! I was wide awake at 5:30 this morning after dragging myself to the bathroom for yet another pee break, and laid in bed until 7am, hoping against hope that I would fall asleep again. When that failed, I got up and logged onto the website of a fantastic local store which I knew would be announcing a sale this morning. Before even making tea or breakfast, I was hurriedly loading my shopping basket like some sort or crack-head, except my fix was adorable tiny sleeping bags, baby carriers and car seats! I think this is probably my cutest (if least practical) purchase of the day:

Panic set in when I discovered that there was only one left of the car seat we had planned to purchase ... if you've ever shopped on eBay, you probably know the feeling - I was whipping out the credit card and entering information as fast as my fingers could type, and .... success!! I snagged the last car seat, along with several other goodies, at 35% off, and finally settled down to enjoy breakfast, feeling very proud of my bargain hunting.

And so it goes these days!

Two weeks ago on a drizzly Sunday morning, I dragged Ben to a "stroller test drive" event I had heard about. Perhaps this sounds to some like a lame way to spend a Sunday, but once we were there, we were having a blast cruising around the park with strollers, chatting with other preggos and new parents, and enjoying free BBQ. We headed home with our very own Bugaboo stroller, which we were so excited about that we assembled the whole thing the moment we got home. We knew it needed to be packed up again for safekeeping until baby arrives, but first we had to leave it out for a few days, gaze at it, imagine baby in it, and periodically stroll it around the condo ... it's just so darn cute ... and orange!

Life has already begun changing in all of these gradual ways. I was sure I would be one of those women who was young and energetic and barely affected by pregnancy; the reality?? I am lucky if I sleep for more than five or six hours or ever reach a real REM cycle, with all the tossing and turning and aches and pains I've accumulated six months into this pregnancy business! My idea of a fun weekend now pretty much revolves around making as few plans as possible, the better to fit in lots of naps, and maybe venturing out for some crib shopping or ice cream eating, and going to bed well before midnight. But I am quite content with this - it seems to make baby happy, so I am rolling with it!! I love how life is always unexpected - nothing happens the way you think it will, and that is what makes living truly awesome :)

For anybody else as interested as me in fun baby stuff, here are my two fave websites of late - they remind us non-traditionalists that you can be a mommy and still be cool and stylish!:

1) http://www.babybot.com/ - this is the Calgary store we have bought most of our gear from. The owners are a fab group of young parents with such a cool design aesthetic
2) http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ - this is the offshoot of a modern design blog I love (Apartment Therapy) that is geared to decorating and lifestyles for babies and kids. I could spend hours browsing their nursery gallery!

A November Tune

My heart is dancin', to a November tune
And I hope that you hear it, singing songs about you
-November Blue, The Avett Brothers

Life has been a wild but amazing ride lately, and I have the feeling it will stay this way for quite a while without much pause! Ben and I have been blasting through this pregnancy and are in wonder and awe at the at the fact that this baby is growing and developing every day at lightning speed. I am now 22 weeks along, and although we have felt some gentle movements so far, last night baby made our week by giving some huge, unmistakable kicks. Based on our last ultrasound, the little one may have some long legs like Ben's!

The lyrics above are from a beautiful Avett Brothers song we recently discovered, and I now find myself listening to it daily, getting all verklempt thinking about baby coming in November!

We opted not to find out the sex, which was a hard choice! Of course now I am mad with curiosity, but old school at heart, and am really excited to have this extra surprise when we meet baby for the first time.

Ben and I are still getting settled into our new condo - it has been a slow process in the midst of a fabulous trip home to Tennessee, a camping trip to Waterton National Park (a gorgeous corner of the Rockies that sits just on the Montana border, crossing over into Glacier National Park), celebrating Ben's big 3-0 birthday, doctor's appointments, and enjoying the late-arriving Calgary summer.

Aside from some nasty back and sciatic pain, I have been feeling great. I am working out the back issues - after several days of debilitating back pain, much debate, and on the advice of my midwife, I decided to see a chiropractor for the first time in my life and am blown away by the results.

Spinal health is my latest pet project - like vegetarianism, trying to live chemical free, yoga, and all things related to natural health, I find it fascinating, and amazing that I have gone my whole life without giving a second thought to caring for all of those important bones and joints that hold my body together! I'll also see a physio-therapist to learn some exercises that will help, and am continuing with pre-natal yoga, so I will keep you posted on how things progress. I'm feeling optimistic that I don't have to suffer from back pain for my whole pregnancy!

Life is crazy and wonderful, and Ben and I are just trying to soak in every moment of this pregnancy and are looking forward to all that's still to come!

Life.

Utter joy and complete frustration often seem to go hand-in-hand. As I get older, I realize more and more how important it is to learn to put the joyful things in the forefront; to allow the positive parts of life to guide you when struggles try to drag you down.

For those who don't know yet, Ben and I are expecting our first addition to the family this November and are beyond excited!! I will be 16 weeks tomorrow, which means baby is about the size of an avocado, and is beginning to hear my voice, which I think is just the coolest thing in the whole world!

But with great joy often comes challenges, and we now find ourselves in the midst of what I like to call the great mothball fiasco of 2010. Yup, you heard right: mothballs. Whatever you do, do NOT buy these poisonous, stinky balls of chemical toxins. It is not worth it!

After returning home from a fabulous European vacation to our rental, which is the main floor of a cozy house, a place we have loved living for the past 10 months, we began to notice an unpleasant odor. New tenants had moved into the basement rental while we were away, and we chalked the smell up to cleaning or hair products, maybe some strong-smelling cooking, and assumed it would go away.

By day three, the smell had become unbearable and and taken on a chemical, hair-burning sort of twinge, and we had to get our landlord involved. Upon talking with the downstairs tenants, we learned that in order to kill a few ants, they thought it would be a good idea to put mothballs ALL OVER their unit. In the carpets, along the floors, god only knows where else. The tenant cleared them out, and we saw her walking to the garbage with an armload of mothballs. But the fumes from these things do not go away. They have not diminished at all in the four days since the mothballs were removed, and from what I have read, they might linger around for another month, or forever.

Ben and I had begun coughing, getting headaches and our eyes were irritated after sleeping in our home all night. A quick google search revealed that mothballs are highly toxic and are only intended to be used in a closed, airtight container. If ingested by a small child or dog, they are fatal. And this tenant has two young daughters. In the U.S., it is illegal to use mothballs in any way other than directed (ie, other than in CLOSED containers).

Needless to say, Ben and I have "evacuated" to a friend's house down the street. We had to hurriedly move all of our clothing and furniture into the garage, as they were beginning to absorb the fumes, and in a huge rush, we have now signed a lease at a new condo and will be moving in in two weeks.

Yep, life happens, and this has been one of the most stressful and bizarre weeks of my entire life. But the moment that brought me back to my center, to my zen? At my midwife appointment this week, when I got to hear baby's strong, fast heartbeat. In the end, baby is what really matters, and we can get through a few weeks of struggles if it means having a safe, chemical free home for our little one to spend his or her first months in. All I need to do when I feel stressed is try to remember that little heart beating in there, the tiny miracle forming inside me, or to look at my ultrasound photo and see that beautiful little creature!